Jesy Nelson has opened up about the 'breaking point' when she knew she had to leave Little Mix, in the new issue of Cosmopolitan UK.
In the first interview since announcing her departure from the band in December, Jesy touched on everything from her mental health to her newfound style. She also revealed that it was on the first music video shoot after the initial coronavirus lockdown that she realised she couldn't be in the band anymore.
'The last music video we did ('Sweet Melody') was the breaking point," the 29-year-old said. "We’d been in lockdown, and it was the first time I could have a break and be at home around people that I love. It was the happiest I’d ever felt and I didn’t realise that until I went back to work. I immediately became a different person.'
Jesy continued, 'I had anxiety. Whenever we have a music video I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to try and lose weight. I have a fear of looking back on the camera. If I don’t like what I see, I find it so hard to be in front of the camera and feel amazing and perform.
'I’d been in lockdown, and I’d put on a bit of weight but I didn’t care. And they said, ‘you’ve got a music video in a couple of weeks’ and I just panicked. I went on this extreme diet, with bloody shakes, and tried to eat as little as possible. On the day of the 'Sweet Melody' video I had a panic attack on set because I didn’t look how I wanted to look and I found it so hard to just be happy and enjoy myself. I looked at the other three and they were having the time of their life.'
Speaking about the video, which came out on 23rd October, she continued, 'There’s a scene in 'Sweet Melody' I’m not in because that’s when I had a panic attack and broke down. I was like, "I just want to go home." I was sobbing in the dressing room. Someone really close to me said, "This has got to stop. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. You’re going to end up where you were before."
'For me that was the pinnacle point. I was like, "I need to start taking care of myself now because this isn’t healthy." It wasn’t nice for the other three to be around someone who didn’t want to be there. So I took a break. I went through a really dark time after the music video. My mum said, "this has got to stop now. I have seen you suffer too much. This has been ten years of your life." '
Sounds like she made the best decision for her and her mental health.
Jesy initially stepped back from the band for an 'extended break' in November, pulling out of Little Mix's The Search final. She eventually announced she was leaving for good on 14th December 2020.
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